Last week I tried a drop-in class at the Central Ballet School. The teacher there is wonderful, very funny!
Some of his pearls of wisdom:
RENATO PARONI:You know that picture of Madame Perino, where she is wearing a beautiful pearl necklace posing so gracefully with the most serene expression on her face, but she is actually sitting on the toilet and pooping? And here YOU are, doing your plies and looking constipated. Think of Madame Perino when you plie! BE Madame Perino.
RENATO PARONI:When you go home, stand in front of a mirror and take off your shirt. Cup your breasts, caress them, and tell yourself, “My breasts will never be smaller than my ribs.” REPEAT AFTER ME (we all repeat, giggling). This is easy if you have big breasts, but still. You should not THRUST your ribs out like that. Keep your ribs closed in, modest.
RENATO PARONI: Do you think when you are doing tendus, that God is watching? YES HE IS. If he exists that is. Imagine that if you do your tendus incorrectly, he will punish you after death. When you do your tendus, you want to think of what? YOU WANT TO THINK OF DEATH. DEATH AND PUNISHMENT.
RENATO PARONI: Holidays are for people who are WEAK. Holidays are for lazy people who hate their jobs. Holidays are the downfall of the economy! Holidays are evil. Imagine if all Chinese people went to Spain for their holidays at the same time. Spain would collapse! Ruin my country.
RENATO PARONI: Next week I am not teaching here. I will have replacements for you. The best teachers in the world! Some students still get terribly upset. I have to tell them, “I am not your husband.”
Tags: class review, renato
